Positive Adoption Language

Or, more honestly titled, "How to Not Stick Our Feet in Our Mouths."

We spent Friday the 10th at our home study class. Then last Saturday we attended a Transracial/Transcultural Adoption Training at St. Elizabeth Coleman. The more we read, hear, and learn, the more I want to share with you about the words we use to speak about adoption.

I know this is a less "fun" topic, and some may be annoyed at me for being too sensitive, but I believe that our words matter deeply. There is power to raise up or tear down. To speak life or death. And to honor or disrespect the parties involved in the adoption triad.

What--what's an adoption triad? It's the three parties present in an adoption: the birth family, the adoptive family, and the adoptee. Each part of the triad has a connection to the others.

The birth family, whether or not they remain an active part of an adoptee's life, is part of their child's identity. The adoptive family would not have become parents to their child without the birth family's willingness to pursue adoption. The adoptee is connected to one family through biology and heritage and the other through continued attachment and parenting.

See how each party matters to the other? As the adoptive family in our own yet-to-be-established triad, it is our responsibility to honor and protect the others. While poor choice of words or insensitive questions from our community could hurt us, they will most definitely make a birth family feel shame or guilt, or an adoptee feel less than, left out, or wrong.

The chart below walks us through the most common phrases we may say (without thinking of their unintended negative meanings), and replaces them with positive language.

Credit for this helpful chart goes to the United Methodist Church

Does that make sense? We are increasing our awareness as we continue on this process, and I hope you feel the same.

In a couple more weeks we will be able to share the progress we've made on our home study. Thank you for checking in, for praying for us, and for your love!